|[crypticangle] Sunday, August 31, 2008 6:37:14 AM|| |
|[ron h] Saturday, August 30, 2008 10:59:40 PM|| |
|[Scottzilla] Saturday, August 30, 2008 10:41:03 PM|| |
|I think I can see where that one is going...maybe a Cadillac?|
|[ron h] Saturday, August 30, 2008 7:41:49 PM|| |
|What's 'black' and 'brown' and looks good on my Ex?|
|[crypticangle] Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:23:28 PM|| |
|[WhiskeyWoman] Thursday, August 28, 2008 11:23:09 AM|| |
|After having a conversation with her friends about how 'women-of-the-evening' can make $400 a trick in Vegas, a bored housewife went home and couldn't stop thinking about it.|
Her husband walked by their bedroom door and, noticing her packed bags and the room in disarray, asked her what she was doing.
She said, "I hear woman get paid $400 for sex in Vegas, so I'm off to give it a try."
At which point, he started packing his stuff too.
She asked, "What the hell do you think you're doing!?"
He said, "I'm coming along! I want to see how you live on $800 a year ..."
|[crypticangle] Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:06:27 AM|| |
Cans Of Worms
A minister decided to have a visual demonstration along with his Sunday sermon.
He placed a worm in 4 seperate cans.
The first can was alcohol
The second can was cigarette smoke
The third can was chocolate syrup
The fourth can was good clean soil.
At the end of the sermon,the minister gave these following results :
the first can of alcohol--worm dead
second can of cigarette smoke--worm dead
third can of chocolate syrup--worm dead
but the fourth can of good clean soil--worm was alive !!
The minister asked the congregation "What have you learned from this ?"
A little old lady raised her hand & said "If ya drink, smoke and eat chocolate , you won't have worms "
To this day , there are no more visual demonstrations .
Edited at: Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:07:12 AM
|[ron h] Thursday, August 28, 2008 7:32:43 AM|| |
|[crypticangle] Thursday, August 28, 2008 6:51:35 AM|| |
|A husband & wife came for counseling after 30 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate ,painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had over the 30 years.|
She went on & on --neglect--lack of intimacy--feeling unloved--etc.
Finally after allowing this to go on for a long time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk & kissed the wife passionately as the husband stared.
The woman shut up & quietly sat down in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband & said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this ?"
The husband thought for a moment & replied, "Well I can drop her off here on Mondays & Wednesdays but on Fridays I fish. "
|[crypticangle] Wednesday, August 27, 2008 5:30:44 PM|| |
|[Bullet-] Monday, August 25, 2008 2:12:21 PM|| |
|Another guy goes to the doctor complaining of terrible gas.|
"Doc, it's terrible. I can't work. I can't go out. My wife and kids can't even come in the house when I'm there. You gotta help me."
The doctor, after careful thought, leaves the room and comes back with a 10 foot pole with a big, menacing hook on it.
The guy nervously asks "What are you going to do with that hook?"
The doctor says "I need it to open the window. It stiinks in here."
|[taha] Sunday, August 24, 2008 7:42:11 PM|| |
|guy goes to the Dr. and finds out he has nut cancer, Dr. says I gotta take out one of those nuts, guy replies, but Dr. I won't be a double barrel shotgun anymore.|
Dr. says, yea you'll be a single shot pump.
guy goes home and a few days later the Dr. calls and says I have to take out both nuts.
guy replies, now I'm gona be a pee shooter
|[crypticangle] Sunday, August 24, 2008 7:14:01 PM|| |
|[Bullet-] Saturday, August 23, 2008 10:43:50 AM|| |
Here's a couple of gems from a review of a Tony Clifton show in Chicago. You will love 'em or hate 'em. There's no fence sitting with these ones.
“Jeffrey Dahmer’s mom says to him, “I don’t like your friends.” So he says, “Then try the salad.”
“What’s the worst part of being a child molester? Getting the blood off your clown costume.”
|[ron h] Saturday, August 23, 2008 7:33:52 AM|| |
|[crypticangle] Friday, August 22, 2008 10:27:08 AM|| |
Buttercups & Golf Balls
Towards the end of the golf course,Dave hit his ball into the woods & found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups.
Trying to get his ball back into play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch
All of a sudden ......POOF !!!!
In a flash & puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She said "I m Mother Nature !!!--Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups ? Just for doing what you've done ,you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life--better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life--As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life !!!
Then ..POOF she was gone !!
After Dave recvered from the initial shock, he hollared for his friend , Fred.--"Where are you ?"
Fred yells back " I'm over here in the Pussy Willows"
Dave shouts back "DON'T SWING FRED FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T SWING !!!:
|[ron h] Wednesday, August 13, 2008 3:21:03 PM|| |
|[ron h] Tuesday, August 12, 2008 6:31:33 AM|| |
|One day a Lutheran passed away. We he got to the Pearly Gates, St.Peter met him and asked him if he would like a tour of Heaven. The man said yes and off they went.|
When they got to the first door, St.Peter said, "Go ahead and look inside, here are all the Mormons". The man looked inside, said "OK", then moved on to the next.
When they got to the next door, St, Peter said, "Go ahead and look inside, here are all the Baptists". The man looked inside, said "OK", then moved on to the next.
When they got to the next door, St.Peter said "Go ahead and look inside, here are all the Presbyterians". The man looked inside and said "OK", then moved on to the next.
This went on for awhile 'til they got to the last door when St.Peter said, "You can look inside this door, but you have to be very, very quiet". After the man looked inside and closed the door, he turned to St.Peter and asked, "Why do we have to be very, very quiet?"
St.Peter turned to him and replied, "These are the Catholics, they think they're alone up here!"
|[ron h] Monday, August 11, 2008 6:03:33 PM|| |
|[Phantom A6] Monday, August 11, 2008 10:16:32 AM|| |
|[Return_of_Darth_Painkiller_0870] Monday, August 11, 2008 4:18:44 AM|| |
|[ron h] Sunday, August 10, 2008 6:31:23 PM|| |
|What is the Japaneese word for "big boobs"?|
|[Phantom A6] Sunday, August 10, 2008 5:40:10 PM|| |
|[TIMBONI] Sunday, August 10, 2008 5:10:23 PM|| |
|Oh man, don't give me that much credit. I can't speak a lick of German. It just looked funny to me, given the running joke.|
[Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Phantom A6 from Sunday, August 10, 2008 5:02:27 PM)
|[Phantom A6] Sunday, August 10, 2008 5:02:27 PM|| |
|That's a matter of opinion. Tim, I know what you mean but you can translate "Good in end" in German: "War's am Ende gut?" [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by TIMBONI from Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:57:43 PM)
|"Good in End" ?
||Phantom A6 wrote:
|"Good'n'Tight" in German: "Gut und eng".
|I thought it was GOODENTIGHT!!!
That's no fair, your a REAL German lol! Edited at: Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:44:25 PM
Edited at: Sunday, August 10, 2008 5:06:10 PM
|[ron h] Sunday, August 10, 2008 5:00:11 PM|| |
|[TIMBONI] Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:57:43 PM|| |
|[Phantom A6] Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:51:53 PM|| |
|[Phantom A6] Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:47:09 PM|| |
Well, a virgin is tight.
But "Good'n'Tight" is amazing. I keep it in my mind.
Edited at: Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:49:39 PM
|[TIMBONI] Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:44:09 PM|| |
|NICE ! |
|[ron h] Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:42:34 PM|| |
|I thought it was GOODENTIGHT!!!|
That's no fair, your a REAL German lol!
Edited at: Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:44:25 PM
|[Phantom A6] Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:40:33 PM|| |
|[ron h] Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:33:47 PM|| |
|How do you say VIRGIN in German???|
|[ron h] Sunday, August 10, 2008 3:54:33 PM|| |
|[ron h] Sunday, August 10, 2008 3:53:14 PM|| |
|Last years "hide and seek" winner!!!|
|[TIMBONI] Sunday, August 10, 2008 3:02:13 PM|| |
|[EriktheRed9] Sunday, August 10, 2008 2:59:22 PM|| |
| You know why they put screens in the urinals ?|
|[Phantom A6] Sunday, August 10, 2008 1:03:07 PM|| |
|[ron h] Sunday, August 10, 2008 11:40:10 AM|| |
What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?
|[guidogodoy] Sunday, August 10, 2008 11:33:24 AM|| |
|[ron h] Sunday, August 10, 2008 11:19:19 AM|| |
|OK, I'll go first...|
What's green and red and goes 100mph?
|[ron h] Sunday, August 10, 2008 9:46:43 AM|| |
|I'm always the guy doing the laughing and not the telling. I'd like to tell a good joke at work, too!!! I'll share with you what I hear and you can share with me. |
Thanks and ROCK ON!!!